Saturday, April 30, 2011

Thank You..

for all the positive comments telling me I am not wrong for how I am feeling. It’s great to see that I am not the only one with negative feelings towards someone close, someone that society expects you to love unconditionally.

Lately has been bad, I cry on an almost daily basis, I want to seek counseling, but don’t want her questioning, asking why I feel I need counseling, when it’s obvious I need it, but she will say I don’t, will ridicule me for it. I need it to help heal how messed up I am, mostly because of her, also because other aspects of my past. I don’t want to cry in front of my son when he’s old enough to understand, and how it is I cry all the time, every time my mom gets to me, simply because I can’t deal anymore.

I get off from a ridiculously long day at work today, call her, and first thing she does is cuss at me over crap that I have no control over. It’s like this daily.

This is why I have no motivation to blog, my life is negative right now, except for Demetri, and I don’t want to be one of the mom’s who post every milestone online, one that annoys her readers with information about her son, so I try to avoid the subject, except in passing.

I don’t want to post negative posts, but my blog is my only outlet, and the only way I feel I have support. Lately feeling good enough, and feeling like I have anyone are rare occasions, so comments may help ?

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