Friday, March 18, 2011

A Few Realizations

I have had a few major realizations in the past few days; the major one is about my water intake problems. When I was in the hospital recovering after having Demetri I chose water over diet coke. Multiple times, I chose water. William bought me a diet coke, and the nurse bought me a huge 32oz glass of water, I drank about 1/4 of the bottle of diet coke, and then downed the glass of water. When I moved in with William in Peoria we were broke, water is cheaper than soda, and if we couldn’t afford bottled water there was always tap water. I do not dislike water, at all. I actually prefer water, and love how water makes me feel. However, when at home it seems as if diet coke is my comfort zone. As is junk food. They help me feel comfortable with my surroundings, and with my family, being comfortable isn’t easy. Isn’t the weight loss journey about getting out of your comfort zone? But how do you do that when you already are so far out of your comfort zone in every other aspect in life? I am a new mother, a full time student, and trying to find a balance in life. Adding water in scares me, but I don’t know why. I’m already terrified as is, and am even more afraid of changing my life than I am of motherhood.


Another realization is how insecure I am. In the past 2 weeks here are a few thoughts that have entered my head more than once:

  • Taking narcotics to help with the pain from the c-section makes me a bad mother.
  • Making William take care of Demetri makes me a bad mother.
  • Making William take care of Demetri makes me a bad fiancé.
  • The fact that I am not healed yet makes me weak.
  • The fact that my hormones are all messed up makes me weak.
  • Being scared makes me weak, a bad mother, and a bad fiancé.

Those are just a handful of the thoughts that have entered my mind, part of me wonders if all of this is normal.

Anyway, this is all for now, those are just a few realizations I have had.


  1. Please don't make me come out there and smack the ever loving crap out of you. It would be an awfully long walk and I'm really not in the mood.


    William is Demetri's father. Him taking care of him now is good for both of them ... not to mention good for you. If you do NOT let you give yourself adequate healing time (including whatever meds they prescribe for you to help the process along) you will end up back in the hospital or worse and THAT would be bad.

    Hormones? Yeah, they're going to mess with you ... well ... forever. Suck it up, sweetie. ("It" being that wonderful water.) We're female and we get hormonal and that will always be the case and it will always suck ass to some degree. The trick is to not let it suck us into the vacuum of bad habits and behaviors (and those damn Keebler elves).

    As for whether or not it's all normal? Hell yeah. Part of you will always have a "I must be a bad mom/fiancee/wife/human" thing going on in the back of your head. Totally normal. Also totally normal? The fact that I will smack the ever loving crap out of you if I think you're getting too down on yourself because truth of the matter is that you're awesome and Demetri and William are both lucky to have you.

    So there.


    I had two c-sections, and I would have been a bad mother if I had tried to take care of my baby all doped up on medications I NEEDED.

    Making William be a dad does not make you fail at motherhood. It means making him help be responsible for impregnating you and the life that came after.