Blog

My blog is about to move one more time,  mostly because I am switching to wordpress, and I think I am going to buy my own domain. I will let you know when Iget everything set up =)

Wal Mart Deal

I know, normally I am not a “coupon” blogger, however amazing deal for you weight loss bloggers:

 

All You magazine is on clearance for $1.88 at Wal Mart, in it is a coupon for $5 off Just My Size sportswear, JMS is on clearance for $1-$3 at most Wal Marts, so the overage of $2-$4 will be taken off the rest of your purchase. (Thanks Hip2Save).

Blog Purposes

As many of you know, or as I have mentioned before, this blog isn’t just about weightloss, or about health in general, it is about a lot of stuff. Over the next couple of months I hope you guys follow me in my quest to:

• Get myself out of the little debt I am in.
• Save up at least 3 months worth of bill money.
• Learn about my son, and how to raise him to be healthy and happy.
• Learn about my own mental health, and do what I need to do.
• Start taking care of myself, mentally, and physically.
• Help get William out of his major debt, and pay off his court fines [he will be paying for most of this, but having it done with will help us develop our emergency fund, etc. so I will be helping]
• Much, much more.

I have a lot of goals, and I know they will take a while, so am going to start focusing on 3 at a time. Just 3. If I can focus on 3 then I can do much, much more. Here are my first 3:

1. Pay $50 to T-mobile
2. Make a doctor’s appointment with my OB, to get the continuous bleeding checked out.
3. Have my inhaler refilled. Have been having mild panic attacks again, and can’t afford to run out of /that/ anytime soon.

These seem like doable goals. As I finish one, I will add another. I will try to update these goals weekly. As you can see there are no weightloss related ones, as I am still working on what I want to do in that aspect. I almost want to start medifast, I see how well it worked for Lynn, however I know it won’t work for everyone, and results vary per person. I also kinda wanna try weightwatchers, or maybe some Zumba, I will decide, eventually. But for now, one thing at a time for a healthier, happier me.

Thank You..

for all the positive comments telling me I am not wrong for how I am feeling. It’s great to see that I am not the only one with negative feelings towards someone close, someone that society expects you to love unconditionally.

Lately has been bad, I cry on an almost daily basis, I want to seek counseling, but don’t want her questioning, asking why I feel I need counseling, when it’s obvious I need it, but she will say I don’t, will ridicule me for it. I need it to help heal how messed up I am, mostly because of her, also because other aspects of my past. I don’t want to cry in front of my son when he’s old enough to understand, and how it is I cry all the time, every time my mom gets to me, simply because I can’t deal anymore.

I get off from a ridiculously long day at work today, call her, and first thing she does is cuss at me over crap that I have no control over. It’s like this daily.

This is why I have no motivation to blog, my life is negative right now, except for Demetri, and I don’t want to be one of the mom’s who post every milestone online, one that annoys her readers with information about her son, so I try to avoid the subject, except in passing.

I don’t want to post negative posts, but my blog is my only outlet, and the only way I feel I have support. Lately feeling good enough, and feeling like I have anyone are rare occasions, so comments may help ?

Cold-Hearted, and I Don’t Care

Last night Erin and I had a very deep conversation, but before I get into that I am going to explain why I have been so MIA.

All of my readers know that I just recently had a baby, well that baby recently had RSV and was hospitalized for about a week. It was so hard. I also went back to work last week, which is stressful, but so worth it. I am not going to lie, I missed my job, I missed my boss, and I missed my awesome crew. I normally gripe that I hate my job, but I don’t, it just gets stressful. I am so happy to be back, and not just for the much needed paycheck.

Now onto, my deep conversation with Erin on gmail last night. I always say I have a hard life at home, but never explain why. Time to try to group my thoughts and explain. My mom seems to have some kind of undiagnosed mental disorder. She screams, a lot, and never is really nice to anyone. She yells for stupid reasons, and lets her [27-year-old] son walk all over her. I don’t want to go into too much detail, but she is overall not a very good person. I made a huge discovery last night. I can’t find any love for her, anywhere, no matter how hard I search. I have pure hatred for her most of the time, and most people seem to think this makes me a cold-hearted bitch. Honestly, I don’t care what other people seem to think, the aren’t here when I’m getting told I suck, when I cook for her for hours and get yelled at if I do one thing wrong. She insults me, she has called me fat, and when I try to lose weight she buys me tons of junk food. She doesn’t support me in anything that I do, and I honestly am exhausted from it all. I want to raise my son to be the best he can be, and to know that I love him unconditionally no matter what mistakes he makes.

After this conversation, and Erin making sure I understood I am not cold-hearted, I crashed for the night, and woke up feeling almost like a new person. I fell asleep feeling emotionally exhausted, and still crying, but woke up feeling so much better. Then I remembered I can’t afford to move out, and am still stuck here for awhile, and my world came crashing, but now I know I just have to do everything I can to save money and get my son and I out of her house.

 

Please, no comments telling me I’m hateful, cold-hearted, or anything of the such. You don’t know the half of it, and you don’t put up with it 24/7. Thank you .

8 more days

Until May. Which is when I’m supposed to get back on track, which I am not prepared for. However, I have some free time this week, so have a feeling it’s time to finish planning. Including grocery list for first week of May, and then meal planning for the rest of the month. I have discovered my local library has loads of cookbooks, so I am slowly checking them out, and saving recipes I like to Microsoft Word. Then, I also have to decide what workout plan I want, and honestly I have no idea. I think I am going to do “The Starter’s Plan” which I pictured here. They also have Levels 1-3 that come with that,so may do Starters-Level 3 while working on my own plan. I know the Starter’s was enough to get my heart rate up, so it will be a start. With meal plans I am not calorie counting at all, that comes later on, first I need to get myself actually eating the right amount of foods a day. Seriously, I haven’t eaten 3 meals a day in ages, and this is something I need to work on. May will be a test month, June will be getting everything perfected. Honestly, my main goal right now is to have everything ready and in a routine by August. This gives myself a while.

 

I am going to go work on a grocery list for the first week, and going through these cookbooks. I will explain why I have been MIA later in the week, and will also post my plan as I develop one.

Skipped Weigh-In

Well, weighing it didn't happen today, but I have a reason. This week, Aunt Flo decided to visit, even though I asked her to wait a couple months after the c-section. She just never listens does she? She decided I needed junk food, and lots of it, and she didn't want none of that water stuff, she wanted empty calories and sugar via Diet Sunkist.

I know, I need to learn to kick her cravings, but this week I did bad, and between the eating and the bloating that naturally comes during this time of month, I gave up, and decided one week skipping the scale won't kill me. I am thinking of skipping the scale for the rest of the month, why? Because I can't afford grocery shopping, so am stuck eating what my mom buys. Uh yeah, you don't even wanna know lol, let's just say almost all of it is processed. I go back to work in less than a week, and May 2nd will be my first paycheck, making May easier to be on plan. Opinions? I may stay on the scale just to keep myself from gaining TOO much..hmm..